Busy week...

Wow, what a busy week I've had! I was on call last week and it was supposed to end on Wed am...I almost made it without getting called out. Tuesday evening, however, I got the dreaded,
"You are going to Ohio" call. =) So off I went, and just when I thought I was safe and was going to be able to come back home from Toledo, there was another accident in Bellevue OH nearer to Cleveland. I had already checked into a hotel in Toledo and everything when I got that call. I checked right back out and headed to Bellevue. Both accidents were horrible. I got home last night about 6, and had to go to Wild Care immediately because they were short handed. Joe and I had a date planned for Thursday night, so I went home and showered and Joe came over. Then today, I had to drive the rental car back up to Indy's airport, and Sarah had to follow me there to bring me back. It was nice being out of the office, but my work load is really really high now. So, I expect I'll be spending some time in the office over the weekend.

Tomorrow I'm baby-sitting for Yuki & Sofi. Elizabeth got a rabbit at the state fair last week and I'm allergic to rabbits, so I'm a little worried about how that will play out. I told her she'd have to put the rabbit in the garage while I'm there.

Sarah starts classes Monday. I think she's a little apprehensive about it. I'm not sure she's up for it. She doesn't seem to be at all excited. Man. I LOVED the beginning of every semester...new notebooks, new pencils & pens, new books, new classes...new promises that this semester I'd actually study and stay caught up and read everything and do the assignments on time... ha!

Let's see...Joe and I are (really) dating again. It's a long and sordid tale of jealousy and fear. Just kidding. He is friends with a woman he lives next to and while he told her he just wanted to be friends with her it appears she has deeper feelings for him. I sensed Joe pulling away from me and last Sunday at church and afterwards, I just felt so sad and cried and cried after church because I don't want to lose him...but at that point, I didn't want to ruin any relationship he may have with her because I've been so obtuse. So I asked him how his relationship was going with her and he said she is very nice but he has no desire to be anything other than friends with her and he has told her that, and that he loves me and hopes that someday we can work things out. So, I told him how I don't want to not have him in my life and that I didn't realize how much I cared until I thought I might lose him... So, we are going to see where it takes us. He is such a nice man. I was very honest with him and told him I do not want to marry him (or anyone else for that matter) because his son is such a handful and I just don't think I can handle being in the same house with Josh. And, I don't see Josh moving out and being on his own for a long time. So, we will see. It's sort of funny because I feel like I'm in high school again and all giddy. It's silly, but it's fun at the same time. Please pray with me that I'm not just being selfish. I honestly don't think I am, but you know how the heart can be...and I certainly don't want anyone to be hurt (especially me...ha!). Joe has come a long long way, and works very hard at everything he does.

Anyway, nothing much else going on here. Just a little tired from the traveling, but feel "awake" and it may be a while before I can fall asleep...

Is he in the kennel?

Yup.

WHY do I have a dog?

I tell you what. There are days when I don't know what I'd do with out Butch. And then there are days like today when I think to myself, "Why the hell do I have a dog?" Because if I'm even a little bit late, Butch lets me know he's upset by doing horrid things. Usually he will pee or poop on the floor. Sometimes he will turn over a trash can if one is accessable, and eats what ever is in there. You would not believe the things I have seen that dog poop.

As you may recall from yesterday, I worked on my worm farm. Let me explain just a little about that. I have frogs and a bearded dragon that all eat mealworms. Lots of mealworms. The place I volunteer at (Wild Care) raises meal worms for all the birds they take in that eat insects. Someone there offered to make a meal worm farm for me. In a nutshell, mealworms have 3 life stages: The beetle (can't fly) lays eggs, which hatch into mealworms, become pupae and then new beetles. I noticed my mealworm farm was losing ground on the worms, and gaining lots of beetles. So I looked on line to see what I was doing wrong, and as it happens, I need to separate out the 3 stages. This really isn't as hard as it sounds once it gets going I think, but separating it all out to start with took a lot of time. And I put all the "Frass" (waste) in a trash can along with the rotted food in the container. THEN, I FORGOT TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH.

I come home from work, admittedly a little later than usual. I walk in the door and notice that Butch had not pooped on the floor. I tell him what a good dog he is, and take him outside to do what he needs to do.

I came upstairs and Butch had dragged the trash can OUT of the critter room, into the hall and proceeded to string out all that crap PLUS all the stuff I cleaned out of the bird cages last night. Grrrrrr. He didn't even come upstairs with me because he knew he was in trouble. I looked and he was standing on the steps hiding, waiting to see if he was in trouble. I used my stern "you're in trouble buddy" voice and he ran back downstairs. What a gross and disgusting mess to clean up. I really hate to do this, but it is time for Butch to hit the kennel when I'm gone for the day. He'll get over it. He sleeps most of the day anyway.

Just another day in paradise

Here's a rundown of my day...

I could NOT get up this morning for the life of me. I hit the snooze 4 times. Then, of course I was late to work.

We had a company breakfast today, but not until 9 am, so I was hungry and a little grumpy by the time I ate.

I decided to go to the Co-op and get some bran and some chicken crumbles (bran for the mealworm farm and chicken crumbles for the birds...) and it made me feel like a farmer. HA! However, the Co-op only sells bran in 50 pound bags, and I don't need that much. So I got the chicken crumbles and headed for the health food store where they sell bulk bran. I bought some bran, some rolled oats and some tabouli. YUM! As I'm leaving there, I get a phone call from Sarah advising she's gonna run out of gas. On the way to work her car died a couple of times, and she put it in neutral at stop lights, but she was pretty sure she wouldn't make it home. So I turned the OTHER way coming out of the store, so I can go give her a couple of bucks for gas.

I'm driving along and a kid pulls out from a stop sign and I broadside him in my car. Holy crap. The kid looks at my bumper and rubs at some of the paint transfer and says he thinks my bumper is o.k. Apparently he can't see the large crack and where the bumper is pushed in. I tell him we need to call the police and he says o.k, and then proceeds to tell me about his bad day. Apparently, he is moving (evidenced by his car full of stuff), but the place he's moving into is still occupied by the people that are supposed to be out. The friends he is staying with are tired of him being there. It's finals week and he has to study. And, he's late for work now, and he can't remember the phone number to call and let them know why he's going to be late. That seemed to make him very nervous. I sympathize with him. Suddenly, his car dies. He hangs his head and says "Oh, no. I'm out of gas." How ironic is that? Luckily the kid has insurance and my bumper will be replaced and life will go on.

I drove to Starbucks, gave Sarah 10 bucks, told her I get a new bumper, and her boss gave me a free drink. WOO-HOO! Things are looking up!

I got home and spent a little over an hour messing with my worm farm and cleaning the bird cages, while waiting for the kick-butt meatloaf I'm making in the oven to bake. I ate said meatloaf along with some tabouli and a pita bread I fried up.

Now, I'm heading off to read and go to bed.

Just another day in the life of your typical insurance adjuster. Hee hee.

When did I get old?

Today Sarah and I had this discussion about how she feels disconnected from everyone and everything. She is not "depressed", she is "anxious". She is questioning the meaning of her existance and is wondering what the meaning of it all is. She is sad, lonely, hurting, and floating around in her universe with no idea what to make of everthing.

I told her that perhaps she should consider medicine. Nothing wrong with medicine. I myself take Welbutrin and Effexor. It makes my mind behave so I can function. It makes the "happy chemicals" in my brain able to so their job. But, she says no way. No medicine. So, I tell her if she really wants to get better she needs to eat right, get more sleep, and get out of her personal pity party and do something for someone else. Find a way to focus on someone else's life for a bit and see if she can do something to make their life a little better. Volunteer somewhere. Do little things for other people. I suggest prayer. No way. God is not the answer for her. Christians are not ... I think she said they are not good people, and the things they do are wrong. I asked her if she is judging God and Christianity by the people who say they are Christians, or by the words God gives us in the Bible. I don't think it matters to her. I guess I just feel that "People" are so fallable and we all do horrible things. God is not fallable. He is perfect. But, I would just be speaking to a brick wall talking to her about anything religious (although spirituality is o.k. in her book).

We then went to the community college to get her signed up. She was angry and frustrated and impatient. She signed up for four classes. She was not excited about signing up for classes when we left, and that just doesn't bode well if you ask me.

So anyway, we are driving back home and I make a comment on how incredibly high the price of gas is. This causes her to come out of her funk and go on a tirade about President Bush and how he is evil, greedy, money hungry and power hungry. I asked her if she thinks Clinton was any better and she says she wasn't paying attention to Clinton. So I point out to her that the "basic" tenants of the Republican party are less government involvement, more opportunity for business, and more of a "hands-off my personal life" approach. Democrats are more about bigger government, taking care of the downtrodden, and making sure the disadvantaged are cared for BY the government. Then I told her that I don't care if the president is a Rep or Dem, he has the weight of the world on his shoulders, and has to make decisions every single day that affect millions of people while still attempting to stay true to his Party and his personal beliefs. God help anyone who is in that office, and we sure as heck couldn't do it. By this time I was pretty worked up and mad. I dropped her at her house and I went home.

So, I'm standing in my kitchen, looking out the window and thinking about how angry I was at Sarah's dismissive attitude toward government in general and Bush in particular, and I remembered when I was young and felt that passion of change that only the young people can bring to society. When we get older, there is just too much LIFE going on to get involved in deep philosophical issues, or maybe we are just tired of banging our head against the wall. Don't get me wrong. I still feel passionate about certain things (abortion, stem cell research, debt) but I try not to be dismissive of other's opinions. I try to let other's have their opinions and just calmly disagree if we are discussing an issue we don't see eye to eye on. After all, isn't that what freedom is about? Being able to have and express your opinions, hold your own beliefs, engage in life freely, and not as part of an oppressed society? We should all have to go live in a third world country for six months. That would cure most of us of our distaste for the government we live under.

The tirade is now over.

PS - sarah called and left a voice mail saying she was sorry for upsetting me and for talking to her & taking her to sign up for classes. sigh. Nothing is easy, is it?