Busy week...

Wow, what a busy week I've had! I was on call last week and it was supposed to end on Wed am...I almost made it without getting called out. Tuesday evening, however, I got the dreaded,
"You are going to Ohio" call. =) So off I went, and just when I thought I was safe and was going to be able to come back home from Toledo, there was another accident in Bellevue OH nearer to Cleveland. I had already checked into a hotel in Toledo and everything when I got that call. I checked right back out and headed to Bellevue. Both accidents were horrible. I got home last night about 6, and had to go to Wild Care immediately because they were short handed. Joe and I had a date planned for Thursday night, so I went home and showered and Joe came over. Then today, I had to drive the rental car back up to Indy's airport, and Sarah had to follow me there to bring me back. It was nice being out of the office, but my work load is really really high now. So, I expect I'll be spending some time in the office over the weekend.

Tomorrow I'm baby-sitting for Yuki & Sofi. Elizabeth got a rabbit at the state fair last week and I'm allergic to rabbits, so I'm a little worried about how that will play out. I told her she'd have to put the rabbit in the garage while I'm there.

Sarah starts classes Monday. I think she's a little apprehensive about it. I'm not sure she's up for it. She doesn't seem to be at all excited. Man. I LOVED the beginning of every semester...new notebooks, new pencils & pens, new books, new classes...new promises that this semester I'd actually study and stay caught up and read everything and do the assignments on time... ha!

Let's see...Joe and I are (really) dating again. It's a long and sordid tale of jealousy and fear. Just kidding. He is friends with a woman he lives next to and while he told her he just wanted to be friends with her it appears she has deeper feelings for him. I sensed Joe pulling away from me and last Sunday at church and afterwards, I just felt so sad and cried and cried after church because I don't want to lose him...but at that point, I didn't want to ruin any relationship he may have with her because I've been so obtuse. So I asked him how his relationship was going with her and he said she is very nice but he has no desire to be anything other than friends with her and he has told her that, and that he loves me and hopes that someday we can work things out. So, I told him how I don't want to not have him in my life and that I didn't realize how much I cared until I thought I might lose him... So, we are going to see where it takes us. He is such a nice man. I was very honest with him and told him I do not want to marry him (or anyone else for that matter) because his son is such a handful and I just don't think I can handle being in the same house with Josh. And, I don't see Josh moving out and being on his own for a long time. So, we will see. It's sort of funny because I feel like I'm in high school again and all giddy. It's silly, but it's fun at the same time. Please pray with me that I'm not just being selfish. I honestly don't think I am, but you know how the heart can be...and I certainly don't want anyone to be hurt (especially me...ha!). Joe has come a long long way, and works very hard at everything he does.

Anyway, nothing much else going on here. Just a little tired from the traveling, but feel "awake" and it may be a while before I can fall asleep...

Is he in the kennel?

Yup.

WHY do I have a dog?

I tell you what. There are days when I don't know what I'd do with out Butch. And then there are days like today when I think to myself, "Why the hell do I have a dog?" Because if I'm even a little bit late, Butch lets me know he's upset by doing horrid things. Usually he will pee or poop on the floor. Sometimes he will turn over a trash can if one is accessable, and eats what ever is in there. You would not believe the things I have seen that dog poop.

As you may recall from yesterday, I worked on my worm farm. Let me explain just a little about that. I have frogs and a bearded dragon that all eat mealworms. Lots of mealworms. The place I volunteer at (Wild Care) raises meal worms for all the birds they take in that eat insects. Someone there offered to make a meal worm farm for me. In a nutshell, mealworms have 3 life stages: The beetle (can't fly) lays eggs, which hatch into mealworms, become pupae and then new beetles. I noticed my mealworm farm was losing ground on the worms, and gaining lots of beetles. So I looked on line to see what I was doing wrong, and as it happens, I need to separate out the 3 stages. This really isn't as hard as it sounds once it gets going I think, but separating it all out to start with took a lot of time. And I put all the "Frass" (waste) in a trash can along with the rotted food in the container. THEN, I FORGOT TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH.

I come home from work, admittedly a little later than usual. I walk in the door and notice that Butch had not pooped on the floor. I tell him what a good dog he is, and take him outside to do what he needs to do.

I came upstairs and Butch had dragged the trash can OUT of the critter room, into the hall and proceeded to string out all that crap PLUS all the stuff I cleaned out of the bird cages last night. Grrrrrr. He didn't even come upstairs with me because he knew he was in trouble. I looked and he was standing on the steps hiding, waiting to see if he was in trouble. I used my stern "you're in trouble buddy" voice and he ran back downstairs. What a gross and disgusting mess to clean up. I really hate to do this, but it is time for Butch to hit the kennel when I'm gone for the day. He'll get over it. He sleeps most of the day anyway.

Just another day in paradise

Here's a rundown of my day...

I could NOT get up this morning for the life of me. I hit the snooze 4 times. Then, of course I was late to work.

We had a company breakfast today, but not until 9 am, so I was hungry and a little grumpy by the time I ate.

I decided to go to the Co-op and get some bran and some chicken crumbles (bran for the mealworm farm and chicken crumbles for the birds...) and it made me feel like a farmer. HA! However, the Co-op only sells bran in 50 pound bags, and I don't need that much. So I got the chicken crumbles and headed for the health food store where they sell bulk bran. I bought some bran, some rolled oats and some tabouli. YUM! As I'm leaving there, I get a phone call from Sarah advising she's gonna run out of gas. On the way to work her car died a couple of times, and she put it in neutral at stop lights, but she was pretty sure she wouldn't make it home. So I turned the OTHER way coming out of the store, so I can go give her a couple of bucks for gas.

I'm driving along and a kid pulls out from a stop sign and I broadside him in my car. Holy crap. The kid looks at my bumper and rubs at some of the paint transfer and says he thinks my bumper is o.k. Apparently he can't see the large crack and where the bumper is pushed in. I tell him we need to call the police and he says o.k, and then proceeds to tell me about his bad day. Apparently, he is moving (evidenced by his car full of stuff), but the place he's moving into is still occupied by the people that are supposed to be out. The friends he is staying with are tired of him being there. It's finals week and he has to study. And, he's late for work now, and he can't remember the phone number to call and let them know why he's going to be late. That seemed to make him very nervous. I sympathize with him. Suddenly, his car dies. He hangs his head and says "Oh, no. I'm out of gas." How ironic is that? Luckily the kid has insurance and my bumper will be replaced and life will go on.

I drove to Starbucks, gave Sarah 10 bucks, told her I get a new bumper, and her boss gave me a free drink. WOO-HOO! Things are looking up!

I got home and spent a little over an hour messing with my worm farm and cleaning the bird cages, while waiting for the kick-butt meatloaf I'm making in the oven to bake. I ate said meatloaf along with some tabouli and a pita bread I fried up.

Now, I'm heading off to read and go to bed.

Just another day in the life of your typical insurance adjuster. Hee hee.

When did I get old?

Today Sarah and I had this discussion about how she feels disconnected from everyone and everything. She is not "depressed", she is "anxious". She is questioning the meaning of her existance and is wondering what the meaning of it all is. She is sad, lonely, hurting, and floating around in her universe with no idea what to make of everthing.

I told her that perhaps she should consider medicine. Nothing wrong with medicine. I myself take Welbutrin and Effexor. It makes my mind behave so I can function. It makes the "happy chemicals" in my brain able to so their job. But, she says no way. No medicine. So, I tell her if she really wants to get better she needs to eat right, get more sleep, and get out of her personal pity party and do something for someone else. Find a way to focus on someone else's life for a bit and see if she can do something to make their life a little better. Volunteer somewhere. Do little things for other people. I suggest prayer. No way. God is not the answer for her. Christians are not ... I think she said they are not good people, and the things they do are wrong. I asked her if she is judging God and Christianity by the people who say they are Christians, or by the words God gives us in the Bible. I don't think it matters to her. I guess I just feel that "People" are so fallable and we all do horrible things. God is not fallable. He is perfect. But, I would just be speaking to a brick wall talking to her about anything religious (although spirituality is o.k. in her book).

We then went to the community college to get her signed up. She was angry and frustrated and impatient. She signed up for four classes. She was not excited about signing up for classes when we left, and that just doesn't bode well if you ask me.

So anyway, we are driving back home and I make a comment on how incredibly high the price of gas is. This causes her to come out of her funk and go on a tirade about President Bush and how he is evil, greedy, money hungry and power hungry. I asked her if she thinks Clinton was any better and she says she wasn't paying attention to Clinton. So I point out to her that the "basic" tenants of the Republican party are less government involvement, more opportunity for business, and more of a "hands-off my personal life" approach. Democrats are more about bigger government, taking care of the downtrodden, and making sure the disadvantaged are cared for BY the government. Then I told her that I don't care if the president is a Rep or Dem, he has the weight of the world on his shoulders, and has to make decisions every single day that affect millions of people while still attempting to stay true to his Party and his personal beliefs. God help anyone who is in that office, and we sure as heck couldn't do it. By this time I was pretty worked up and mad. I dropped her at her house and I went home.

So, I'm standing in my kitchen, looking out the window and thinking about how angry I was at Sarah's dismissive attitude toward government in general and Bush in particular, and I remembered when I was young and felt that passion of change that only the young people can bring to society. When we get older, there is just too much LIFE going on to get involved in deep philosophical issues, or maybe we are just tired of banging our head against the wall. Don't get me wrong. I still feel passionate about certain things (abortion, stem cell research, debt) but I try not to be dismissive of other's opinions. I try to let other's have their opinions and just calmly disagree if we are discussing an issue we don't see eye to eye on. After all, isn't that what freedom is about? Being able to have and express your opinions, hold your own beliefs, engage in life freely, and not as part of an oppressed society? We should all have to go live in a third world country for six months. That would cure most of us of our distaste for the government we live under.

The tirade is now over.

PS - sarah called and left a voice mail saying she was sorry for upsetting me and for talking to her & taking her to sign up for classes. sigh. Nothing is easy, is it?

Truth in voice mails

Every day I change the message on my voice mail, and it goes like this:

You have reached the voice mail box for Christy on July 16. I'm in the office today, but I'm either away from my desk or on another line. I will be in the office today until 3:45 Eastern Time. Please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. If you need help immediately, press "0" now and ask for any adjuster in the eastern regional office. Thank you and have a good day.

OK. Let's get real. Here's what the message should say if I am being honest:

You have reached the voice mail box for Christy on July 16th. I'm in the office today but I'm either 1) on another phone call, probably personal, but maybe not; 2) getting a cup of coffee; 3) in the bathroom doing what comes naturally in the bathroom; 4) talking with a co-worker about our personal lives; or 5) just ignoring the phone because I'm doing something else and don't want to get it. I will be in the office today from 7:35 ish to noon, and then 1:30 or so until 3:45. If you want to, you can leave your name and phone number. I make it a goal to answer my voice-mails within the week, but sometimes it does stretch out to two. If you need faster service, here's my fax number 555-1212 or you can mail stuff to my address at "Company Address". Or, if you really want to, you can push "0" now and ask for anyone in the liability department in the eastern regional office. The operator will probably just tell you to leave a message in my voice mail, but you never know. You may be lucky today. Have a good day.

That's what I should say. It would be honest. But I'd probably get fired so I will stay with the message I usually leave. Everyone is happier living the lie that way.

Have a good day.

If only thinking were as good as the real thing...

Every day, I think about things I should do. Wouldn't it be nice if just by thinking seriously about something it would come to pass? Now, you wouldn't want just any ol' random thought to come about because that would be disasterous. Imagine if some grumpy cashier made you mad and you thought "Ugh! She should get fired!" and bam! she was! Or what if someone thought that about you? Or even, "Man! I wish my boss was dead! I hate him!" Whoa! you go to work the next day, and he's not there because you KILLED him with your thoughts.

On the other hand, if you were to sit down and plan something out, not just a random thought or momentary wish, that would be cool. I would "think" myself fit and healthy. I would "think" myself into liking my job, and getting paid much more than I do now. I would "think" my exercise and eating plans. And I would "think" that sugar/fats/and other ugly unhealthy items do absolutely no harm to my body. All this would come to pass just by thinking about it.

Ah yes. The power of laziness. Thinking is so much easier than doing.

Hump Day

It's hump day, which is so nice. Down-hill slide to the weekend. That alone makes me feel kinda bad, because that means I'm wishing my life away, waiting with bated breath for the weekend (i.e. no work for 2 days) to show up. I wonder if this means I need to search inside for some honest answers about if I like my job. I have a sneaking suspicion I don't anymore. The problem is, I've been there for so long that I get 3 weeks of vacation, and just a couple more years and I'll get 4! I can't get there starting out anywhere else, and I live in a town small enough and far enough away from a large town that this is the only game that will pay me what I'm getting paid. Which ain't bad. I make pretty good money. So, heck. What's the deal with being bored and not wanting to go to work? It's not like the job isn't challenging or anything like that. Perhaps it's a mid-life crisis. Ha.

Meanwhile, Friday is sliding into the home stretch...

What's finals week without a party?

Another 3 am rude awakening early this morning. This time, it was a drunk woman, or maybe 2 screaming hysterically at someone else. She was so drunk and hysterical it was impossible to understand what the heck she was upset about. But with THAT kind of hysteria in her voice, I'm guessing someone tried to move in on her man or something similar to that. This has been finals week for the college kids. I'm thinking it started out with an innocent "Hell, yes! School's out for summer!" party, and degraded from there. Anyway, everyone is sleeping with thier windows open because it's so nice out, and that means everyone could hear this disaster unfolding. Someone flashed their outside light on - that slowed things down for about 1 second while the confused drunk was blinded temporarily. I heard doors slam, I heard people trying to get these girls off the deck they were fighting on (thank goodness! What if one had pushed the other off?). Finially my next door neighbor goes out onto her deck and (her voice carries really well, and we could all definately understand what she was saying) yells "Hey! Do we need to call the police? What the F--- is going on?" That had the desired effect of shutting the party down within moments. Doors slammed. A car started and squealed away, hopefully driven by a more sober person than the girl that was yelling. Everyone settles down and tries to go back to sleep.

What this whole episode really made me wonder was this...since we could hear this insane fighting so clearly in the night air, do my neighbors hear me snore?

Random 3 am Thoughts

My brother Ray called yesterday. He said his chajuajua Jaz (who is 12) was to get her teeth cleaned, and when the vet did the preliminary blood work, she discovered something in Jaz's blood levels that concerned her. She told Ray it might be Cushing's Disease. This disease causes increased drinking and increased urination, loss of hair, panting and sometimes seizures. You treat it by giving the dog medicine that is very expensive. Anyway, I told Ray how Butch has been peeing in the house, and I can't decide if he's mad about something, or just really has to GO. I took him to the vet and described what is happening, and my vet wants me to bring in a sample of urine. HELLO! How am I supposed to get urine? Butch won't let me anywhere near him when he's "Doing his business". Why would he? I won't either. If I had some one chasing after me when I am trying to pee trying to stick a container under me, I'd run off, too.

So. It's 3:15 am, and for the "I don't even know how many days in a row now" Butch woke me up to go outside. He starts with this little Mruff, which progressively grows louder and more persistent until I wake up. I come back to bed, and Butch has to lay directly on my feet. Sometimes I try to outlast him on who moves first. I'll just leave my feet underneath him, which HAS to be uncomfortable. He'll sigh, but he won't move. I never win unless I wiggle my feet and annoy him. 15 minutes later I'm still lying in bed thinking about how Butch probably has Cushing's disease and what the implications of that may be. I'm hoping that writing this will get it out of my head so I can sleep again.

I'm going to Chicago today for a mediation tomorrow. When I made reservations there was only ONE hotel in downtown Chicago I could get into because of some convention, and that hotel is going to cost my company $285 for the one night, which is twice the price of my plane ticket!! Good lord. On the up side, Chicago is a fun place to go. Now that I've done it a few times the El is fun to ride, and I imagine I can look as bored and nonchalent as the real Chicago people. I'm sure I don't - I probably look like a country girl coming to the big city. But it's fun to pretend.

Sarah is supposed to be moving out. She is getting a place with a couple of her high school friends, and allegedly the move date is this Friday. I see absolutely NOTHING to show she's actually going however. No packing, no excited talking about it, no indication what the apartment number is... very suspicious.

My apartment complex called me today to see if I am renewing or moving. I went to the office and asked them to show me a 3 BR flat and a 2 BR flat. Right now I live in a 3BR townhouse, which I do like. The 3 BR looks o.k., the 2 BR would be a little tight I think. The thought of moving is just not appealing in any way, and I'm trying to decide if the $40-95 difference is worth moving. Changing my address both personally and updating all my licenses etc professionally, packing, unpacking, moving stuff ... I'm pretty sure I'm going to stay where I am. Here, I can have my bird feeder and plant stuff if I want to. I don't have to worry about making too much noise for the upstairs/downstairs neighbor. The positives of staying here outweigh the positives of moving.

Well, I suppose I can go put the iPod on 15-30 minutes and listen to a book on tape, or maybe a podcast of the Dave Ramsey Show. Most of the time I can fall asleep w/i the 15 minutes, and almost always before 30 minutes. I thought maybe Coast to Coast would be on the AM station, but no such luck. That show is a hoot, and if I can't sleep at least I'm amused. Another podcast I love is NPR's Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me! which is a totally liberal news show that takes news stories from the week and callers try to guess who it's about. If they win, "Carl" will call and put a message on their answering machine. Even though I'm conservative, I still have a sense of humor and think the show is funny.

Nite. Morning. Whatever.

cje

Ah, Youthhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.spell.gif

4:00 am, Eastern Daylight Time, Bloomington IN.

Every door in the house slams either open or shut. The wind is blowing so hard curtains are flying straight out from the window. Suddenly, the rain, lightening and thunder, along with a smattering of hail centers directly over our living quarters. (I would say "House" but it is not technically a house. It's a 'something-plex'.) Anyway, I get up close all the windows because the rain is POURING in. I tell Sarah to come with me to the downstairs bathroom and we head down the stairs. Those of you who know me, know that I am FEARLESS in the face of tornadic weather. But that's mainly because I can usually sleep through it. The tornado sirens are bleating and Sarah, Butch and I settle down in the bathroom and wait for the sirens to stop. However, they don't.

Eventually, Sarah and I start talking, and she begins to tell me how really wrong the world is right now. President Bush is actually EVIL. We are a selfish people who think only about getting rich and not about helping the poor and unfortunate in society. Marriage is a dead institution, people shouldn't have kids because the world is over populated. I take all this in, and say something along the lines that Bush may not be the best president we have ever had, but the other choice was worse. We do tend to like our money here, but aren't we lucky that we have it to like. If, however, she wishes to take her $7.00 per hour salary which is really only about $5.25 NOW after state, federal, county, ss and medicare taxes are removed, and THEN take a couple more dollars per hour out to give to people who don't want to work, then, feel free. I, however, will hang on to my extra bucks. She protested that that isn't really fair and we should all help each other. (Gasp - that sounds suscpisiously like Communism!) So, I point out several people we know that are lazy, do not work, live off other people and the government, but are PERFECTLY healthy and able to work. They just choose NOT to bother. That gave her pause for a moment.

On to the INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE. We spoke of committment, and I pointed out how hollow committment is if you don't follow through with actual actions of committment. Kids. Yeah, the world may or may not be overpopulated, but the US is not overpopulated. Not having kids here is not going to keep Third World Nations from having kids, however. Hmmmm.

I can see the condecending attitude building and how really stupid she thinks her mother is. And it makes me laugh right out loud. I tell her, "Ah Youth. I remember when I was like you are now. There was a time when I was your age and the most important thing to me was Saving the Whales. Never mind that I lived in Iowa and had never even SEEN a whale first hand. I was going to save them from the tragedy of unfair hunting and extinction. I told her my Uncle Charlie thought that was hysterical and decided to "Save the Walrus" and put an article and magnet on the refrigerator discussing the plight of the Walrus. You know, it was probably 2 years before I realized he was making fun of me, and trying to teach me how silly I was. I remembered him asking me why I picked "saving whales" as opposed to helping starving children in my own area. I remembered looking at him like he was just SOOOO out of touch. Now, I realize how really IN touch he was and how silly I was.

Having said all of this, thank GOD for youth. Because the passion they bring to things in our world really can change bad things to good things. Fresh ideas are always nice. (Not that any of her ideas are FRESH. I've heard 'em all before...) Most important of all, however, is their ability to make us remember our youth and take a break from all that "grownup-ness". Even if it's just for an hour, sitting on the bathroom floor with your almost-grown daughter, waiting for a storm to pass.

Change is in the air...

Today we had a "volunteer" meeting at Wild Care. It was very interesting, even though I've seen all the animals before, to hear their "stories" and how they came to be part of the Wild Care family. But even more interesting than that was how God spoke to me about diabetes. A woman, probably about my age, maybe just a little older, came in on crutches and said she had to have some sort of surgery on her foot yesterday because of a complication with her diabetes. I didn't think much of it until the woman I work with on Thursday nights told me about her husband (totally separate conversations...) and how he has had diabetes since his 30's and has never tried to take care of it like he should. Now, he can't feel his feet, and can step on a nail and never know it. He recently had heart surgery (diabetic complication) and the wound would not heal (another diabetic complication). He had the surgery MONTHS ago and it is finally just now almost completely healed. To top it all off, his kidneys have failed and he must have dialysis Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. Each session is SIX HOURS and the cost (Medicare) is 35,000 a WEEK. And still, he does not eat right or exercise. He's waiting for a kidney from someone who will die now. Oh my goodness. That is really horrible. And part of me feels he doesn't deserve to get one since he does nothing to counteract his diabetes.

And yet...here I am and I do not watch what I eat or exercise or try in any way whatsoever to control my diabetes other than my medication. And if I lost weight, I wouldn't have to take that medication for a long time, and I could probably stop taking my blood pressure medication and maybe even my cholesterol medication. It's very sad. I know God is reaching out to get my attention. I will pray every day for the willingness to ask for strength to take care of my body. Because I don't want to. It's so much work. And, apparently, I'm very lazy.

On the monetary front...that is certainly two steps forward and one step back. I have put into action a new savings account with money automatically deposited into it from my checking account. (Out of sight out of mind...) It is not linked with my checking account. Different bank, even. I made a budget. I paid bills. I had 50 bucks to get me through this week, and I have a full tank of gas... I got up, I read the 3 chapters out of Dave Ramsey I'm supposed to read, I worked some more on the budget. Everything was great. Then Sarah asked for money and I said no. She said she needs gas. So, reluctantly and trying to riddle her with guilt, "You are taking my gas money...that's all I'm sayin'!", I give her my Speedway gas gift card that has $7.00 on it and told her it has $7.00, that's all I've got. Then I was mad at myself for doing that. Soon, the doorbell rang, and Sarah's new boyfriend "Ben" is at the door handing Sarah money. What?!? Sarah introduces Ben to me, I ask Ben if he's giving Sarah money. Sarah hastens to say she's going to pay it back. I tell him he shouldn't give her any money. (MEAN MOM! and hypocritical, too!) I told him she gets paid on Friday and she WILL pay him back then. (Let's point out here that 1. It's none of my business if he loans her money. 2. It's none of my business if she does or does not pay him back. 3. I'm mad that I gave her money. The real point here is that it was none of my business and I'm mad.) As another aside, Ben is tall and skinny, short hair, seemed polite enough...

Back to the monetary front. I decide I HAVE to have some flavored syrup to put in my coffee. Off to TJ Maxx I go, where fun syrups abound for 1/2 the price of other places. I find a syrup!! Two in fact!! I find a bowl for $2.00 I can't live without. OH! There's another one! I manage to escape TJ Maxx having spent $16.22. I'm driving away, and I remember my mom telling me about a tea sample she tried that she got in a magazine. It was a Tazo green tea with orchids or something like that in it and she really liked it. I'm driving right by Starbucks (I mean Four-bucks) and decide to "pop" in and see if they sell that kind there since I KNOW they sell TAZO tea. Nope. Not that kind. But, while I'm there I'll get a grande almond mocha (ie. four-bucks and 3 cents). I am now down in my checking account 20.25. But I'm not as mad at Sarah any more. hmmmmm. There may be a connection here...