When did I get old?

Today Sarah and I had this discussion about how she feels disconnected from everyone and everything. She is not "depressed", she is "anxious". She is questioning the meaning of her existance and is wondering what the meaning of it all is. She is sad, lonely, hurting, and floating around in her universe with no idea what to make of everthing.

I told her that perhaps she should consider medicine. Nothing wrong with medicine. I myself take Welbutrin and Effexor. It makes my mind behave so I can function. It makes the "happy chemicals" in my brain able to so their job. But, she says no way. No medicine. So, I tell her if she really wants to get better she needs to eat right, get more sleep, and get out of her personal pity party and do something for someone else. Find a way to focus on someone else's life for a bit and see if she can do something to make their life a little better. Volunteer somewhere. Do little things for other people. I suggest prayer. No way. God is not the answer for her. Christians are not ... I think she said they are not good people, and the things they do are wrong. I asked her if she is judging God and Christianity by the people who say they are Christians, or by the words God gives us in the Bible. I don't think it matters to her. I guess I just feel that "People" are so fallable and we all do horrible things. God is not fallable. He is perfect. But, I would just be speaking to a brick wall talking to her about anything religious (although spirituality is o.k. in her book).

We then went to the community college to get her signed up. She was angry and frustrated and impatient. She signed up for four classes. She was not excited about signing up for classes when we left, and that just doesn't bode well if you ask me.

So anyway, we are driving back home and I make a comment on how incredibly high the price of gas is. This causes her to come out of her funk and go on a tirade about President Bush and how he is evil, greedy, money hungry and power hungry. I asked her if she thinks Clinton was any better and she says she wasn't paying attention to Clinton. So I point out to her that the "basic" tenants of the Republican party are less government involvement, more opportunity for business, and more of a "hands-off my personal life" approach. Democrats are more about bigger government, taking care of the downtrodden, and making sure the disadvantaged are cared for BY the government. Then I told her that I don't care if the president is a Rep or Dem, he has the weight of the world on his shoulders, and has to make decisions every single day that affect millions of people while still attempting to stay true to his Party and his personal beliefs. God help anyone who is in that office, and we sure as heck couldn't do it. By this time I was pretty worked up and mad. I dropped her at her house and I went home.

So, I'm standing in my kitchen, looking out the window and thinking about how angry I was at Sarah's dismissive attitude toward government in general and Bush in particular, and I remembered when I was young and felt that passion of change that only the young people can bring to society. When we get older, there is just too much LIFE going on to get involved in deep philosophical issues, or maybe we are just tired of banging our head against the wall. Don't get me wrong. I still feel passionate about certain things (abortion, stem cell research, debt) but I try not to be dismissive of other's opinions. I try to let other's have their opinions and just calmly disagree if we are discussing an issue we don't see eye to eye on. After all, isn't that what freedom is about? Being able to have and express your opinions, hold your own beliefs, engage in life freely, and not as part of an oppressed society? We should all have to go live in a third world country for six months. That would cure most of us of our distaste for the government we live under.

The tirade is now over.

PS - sarah called and left a voice mail saying she was sorry for upsetting me and for talking to her & taking her to sign up for classes. sigh. Nothing is easy, is it?