Truth in voice mails

Every day I change the message on my voice mail, and it goes like this:

You have reached the voice mail box for Christy on July 16. I'm in the office today, but I'm either away from my desk or on another line. I will be in the office today until 3:45 Eastern Time. Please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. If you need help immediately, press "0" now and ask for any adjuster in the eastern regional office. Thank you and have a good day.

OK. Let's get real. Here's what the message should say if I am being honest:

You have reached the voice mail box for Christy on July 16th. I'm in the office today but I'm either 1) on another phone call, probably personal, but maybe not; 2) getting a cup of coffee; 3) in the bathroom doing what comes naturally in the bathroom; 4) talking with a co-worker about our personal lives; or 5) just ignoring the phone because I'm doing something else and don't want to get it. I will be in the office today from 7:35 ish to noon, and then 1:30 or so until 3:45. If you want to, you can leave your name and phone number. I make it a goal to answer my voice-mails within the week, but sometimes it does stretch out to two. If you need faster service, here's my fax number 555-1212 or you can mail stuff to my address at "Company Address". Or, if you really want to, you can push "0" now and ask for anyone in the liability department in the eastern regional office. The operator will probably just tell you to leave a message in my voice mail, but you never know. You may be lucky today. Have a good day.

That's what I should say. It would be honest. But I'd probably get fired so I will stay with the message I usually leave. Everyone is happier living the lie that way.

Have a good day.