Life or Death

Well, the doctor's office called and advised that the mammogram I had last week shows an "asymetrical mass" in my right breast. I am to go back next Tuesday for additional mammograms and an ultrasound. "Try not to worry, most of the time these come back negative." Uh-huh. Telling me not to worry is like telling a male dog just to ignore the female in heat next door.

So, I'm thinking. What if it's breast cancer? Would I get chemo & radiation? Would I get a full mascetomy? Would I just forgo any treatment at all?

The last question is the most intresting. Right now, I'd have to say that if I DID get treatment, it would most likely be just to keep my family and friends from being horrified at that thought that I wouldn't. Does dying scare me? No. Not in the least. Does being in pain bother me? Yes.

And, my mind is running away with things like, "Maybe I have cancer and that's why the right side of my chest hurts sometimes." or "Maybe that's why I have headaches and I'm tired all the time." and "It would be nice if I could just not tell anyone, but I know I can't keep my mouth shut."

Just think...I wouldn't have to work anymore if I was dead. hmm.
It would be nice if I was around until Sarah graduated from High School.

IT'S NOT A TUMOR! I can hear Arnold Schwartenager in my mind saying that...

Anyway. Now that I've written this all down, maybe I can forget about the dog in heat next door and concentrate on work.